A couple weeks ago I had a mini crisis over "turning 19" haha. It just started to sink in.
Wait, this is my last year in my teens? Next year I'm going to be twenty. Next year, I'll have to admit I am "in my twenties." Next thing you know, I'm going to be THIRTY, and then kids and career and there goes my life!!
I can see through my screen, the adults reading this and rolling their eyes. Ok, I'm melodramatic, but I was honestly just being humorous. :-)
19 is like one of those forgotten years. The "big whoop." Part of me is confused, because I've "felt 19" for the past few years. 16 seems exciting, but you're not as old as you think you are. 18, you can say you're finally "legal." And you know, then 21-
but NINETEEN. I know age is just a number, but I feel determined to make this year memorable. Believe me, I've been waiting to say hasta la vista to the teenage years, but right now I am going into my second year of college and I just want to hold on tight.
I wasn't sure at first how to go about this post. I decided to honor those nineteen years. I am often called an old soul, wise beyond my years. Sometimes I close my eyes and think of the events I have endured so far in my life. It feels weird, that all these things people would describe as the "big stuff" can be checked off my list of major life events already. I'm sure this old soul in me is a personality trait, but I think in a lot of ways I had to grow up a lot faster than most.
At nineteen I am running my own blog site for mental health awareness. At nineteen I am telling those of all ages how important it is to be authentic and vulnerable. At nineteen, I can say I have met the darkness, and hiked towards the light. I feel like I have learned some of the most important lessons in life. I'm not perfect, but I feel prepared at times, for whatever my life will throw at me from here on out.
I truly believe we all learn something new every day. I also believe we are continuously learning new things about ourselves, even if we aren't open to listening.
I could be wrong, but from my experience, I feel as though our earliest years are the most accurate to who we are. Before our family, friends, society gave us any other ideas. Before we knew what fear was. We had our passions in the palm of our hand, and somewhere down the road we questioned that.
I remember being eleven, and wanting basketball shoes, and athletic branded t-shirts. My first way of figuring out "who I am" was with my apparel. Should I be sporty like my friends? Should I listen to their music, too? Am I enough, as I already am? Probably not.
I was actually a klutz, and good at any sport in school that did not involve a ball. So, running! I liked headbands, and floral tops. I liked to climb trees wearing dresses. But, I still begged for those basketball shoes that honestly messed with the arch on my feet, because fitting in was so important to me.
It's not so important now.
What is important is how I continue to learn who I am, while ignoring what the world wants me to be.
So, as I turn nineteen-
I am honoring what I have learned about life, about my life, and myself up until now.
In this post, I am sharing my discoveries, and what I may still be discovering.
I am still me, but a new and improved me.
discoveries, growth, and accomplishments by age 19
so, what now?
The good thing is that those things that were once "work" and "practice" are now becoming habits. These areas of growth in my 19 years are my foundation. I have some new goals for this coming year, and so on.
The purpose of this post was to reflect on who I am at 19.
Once we push aside the doubt and the fears, our purpose is much more visible and the dreams seem more do-able. Who we are is a mix of where we started, what we've discovered, and who we can be.
This is intriguing to me now, because each year we learn and grow, and later I shall refer back to this post and see what I had discovered next. Who will I be?
A Boston social work student, using writing for healing. Sharing the peaks and valleys of an empath's mental health journey.