decisions, decisions part 2
I recently purchased this book, and it has been everything I have needed lately. The author is an INFJ herself, and in this book she explains what it means to be an empathic INFJ, techniques to apply to everyday living, and how to help you cope when life feels overwhelming. And much much more!
Sometimes I get confused. Is this me being depressed? Is this a chemical imbalance? Or is this just my empathic self who overwhelms easily in this fast paced world?
This book has been a little friend of mine, and a little toolkit to remind me what I need, and what I already have.
In my last post I wrote about overwhelming feelings I was having, and difficult decision-making.
I can now share that I have been accepted, and offered a position with City Year Orlando.
I am proud to have been offered a position in being a part of the AmeriCorps and the wonderful impact they make each year.
At the same time, it is a lot to think about.
If I accept the position, I will leave this July for Orlando. I will be finding roommates, a place to live for the year, and then begin training. Once the school year begins I will be commuting each morning to serve students in an Orlando city school. It will be long days, and hard work, and all worthwhile in the end. I will have holidays off, but ultimately will be in Orlando until I graduate the service year June 2018. With that, I will be taking a gap year, a service year. I have never taken a year off of classes, and though I know a lot of people do, it scares me. I like being on track. I know what I want to do, I know what classes I need to take, and I plan on receiving a degree in 2020 so I can go to grad school.
City Year will be an amazing experience- especially for me wanting to be a social worker. I know I will be challenged, and will grow from the experience.
But, of course, I am also feeling stuck. I see the pros and cons, and I have no gut feeling in either direction of my options. I am overthinking, yes, but I also have never had to make a decision like this before. The distance doesn't scare me. I chose Orlando as my top choice location. If accepted, I wanted to get as much out of it as I possibly could, and I want to experience living somewhere new.
I am scared I will have anxiety attacks, and that I'll want to come home. I am not a quitter. I have reached milestones this past year, but I still overwhelm easily with social phobia, and I do not appear outgoing and in-charge off the bat. City Year will help me become a leader, but the process to get there- scares me. I have made close friendships this year, I have supports when I need them, and I guess it scares me to have a year without those people by my side. I logically know I can do it, but the unknown is scary. Life is full of change and the unknowns and I am aware this will not be the last time I will ever feel this "stuck" with a choice.
My other option:
Continue my courses next year, (maybe) study abroad Spring 2018 or Summer 2018. I will still have counseling each week or every other week with a new counselor. (I don't know who yet)
I was also offered a position with the Samaritans after my interview. By next school year I can be volunteering with them (with training first) to be a part of their crisis-call/text center.
ALSO a good experience for someone who wants to be a social worker, and wants to do something to contribute to suicide prevention.
I am lucky to have been placed in Intro to Social Work my first year. I have gotten the ball rolling and that means next year I can really dive into my major. If I take a year off, I am putting all that on hold.
Last week I was, how to I put this- a mess. I am better now, but I have been moving forward and once I think back to making a decision I will probably panic again.
I have papers galore coming for the end of the semester, and with that I have been personal-writing less and less. This isn't a problem "for my blog" but a problem for me, who writes as a coping mechanism.
WITH THAT: I am committing to scheduled posts from now on. I may write other days of the week too, (like right now, Sunday) but I will always promise a post on a Wednesday short or long, informative, or venting- depending on the week.
my attempt at making this official and expressing my love for my new plant socks.
A Boston social work student, using writing for healing. Sharing the peaks and valleys of an empath's mental health journey.