The title says it all- I am blogging from Hampton Beach! More than 15 of us are all on vacation. Those from my household, John's mother, John's sister + her kids, and a couple others.
This past week before we got to NH has been interesting. My mind has been racing 24/7 with memories good/bad, either or. So of course- I have not been sleeping well.
The first day we arrived at the beach house it was raining out. We were all tired from the drive (and lack of sleep) and used our time to settle into our rooms, unpack, and rest. My stomach had been bothering me all day but I figured it was normal considering the lack of sleep plus a road trip. As time went by the symptoms intensified. At 4pm the kids all went to walk the boardwalk and beach, and I was in bed-extremely weak and in a lot of pain. I fell asleep and refused to eat dinner. I woke up a couple hours later at 9:40 pm. After that I was awake ALL NIGHT LONG. I was tossing and turning and stressing and feeling terrible inside. I warned the family by morning that I was either going to be very sensitive, extremely goofy, OR a major bitch that day.
I spent the 2nd day of vacation in bed as well, curled up in a ball as everything made me feel sick. I was able to eat 1 plain waffle for breakfast but just that "activity" sucked the life out of me and I was back in bed completely weak.
I was practically overdosing on digestion meds and I could tell I was already losing too much weight. I panicked. I wasn't sick. I knew I wasn't. This was all too familiar. Is this anxiety? Or what if it isnt- is there something wrong with me? The paranoia kicked in. When I wasn't sleeping I found myself googling all my symptoms that were not making sense to me. What the hell is wrong with my stomach? Why can't I digest anything?
I was practically in tears. Mental health is just as important as physical health, but physical health can also affect mental health.
I have dealt with health issues since I was born. Now, in writing i don't want it to sound like I'm over exaggerating because i am ultimately grateful for my health knowing what some kids go through every single day. There was always something with me, though. I never felt 100%. In my younger years it was my asthma and heart condition. As I got older we discovered my thyroid condition. Anxiety and depression can bring symptoms such as insomnia, change in eating patterns, fatigue, etc. With me, it has always been hard for my doctors to fully know what is causing what.
I became frustrated this week. I have been happy. I have been feeling so strong mentally. I am on vacation with a large group of people (which is huge for me), a whole new place, and I'm happy to be here. I'm happy, but I'm so fricken tired. Why is it always a "this or that." My mental health is strong, but then my physical health can bring me down.
Since I was not sleeping at night I spent the hours doing loads of research.
I googled one question. A word-for-word "why does my__________" and the first article that came up was about a woman who discovered she was gluten intolerant. I related to how she was describing the way she was feeling and I became very curious. I took an online test (just for a general idea) and noticed that the questions described how I feel better than I could.
I thought, okay, what if I try being gluten free for exactly 1 week just to see if I feel any better?
I have limited meal choices while I am away from home but I have been making do, and my stomach problems have improved.
I had also read that gluten sensitivity can cause anxiety and depression, as well as rapid mood changes. I had this beautiful dream in my head that IF gluten was a huge source of my problems, and IF I go without it I will become energized, and happy, and not needing to take a nap or two just to get through the day. A life where I wouldn't have to worry about my physical and mental health anymore. I have a come a long way as well as working on skills to do my own part in helping myself. I still have a way to go, but I know if I felt better physically I would be able to live a little more.
So that's what's new with me! I'm at the beach for the week, hopefully getting sun, hopefully not getting burnt, and I'm on a gluten free trial.
So far so good!
I caught myself during a time where I wasn't busy AND wasn't tired, so I'm catching up on the blog!
Did I mention I have 2 new articles published? :-)
7 Short Mantras That Help Me Get Through Stressful Situations
One Helpful Thing For When You Are Dealing With Depression
A Boston social work student, using writing for healing. Sharing the peaks and valleys of an empath's mental health journey.