I have always been a daydreamer. Sometimes I will get so caught up in my mind that I find myself questioning the reality of my surroundings.
I have always had the strange question of "am I really here?" running through my mind.
I don't view this as a bad thing. However, it sure can be when I use my excessive thoughts to escape what's around me and end up becoming trapped there.
I study every thought I have. I challenge myself; I try to learn new things about myself. With my happiness, I can become overwhelmed in the best of ways by the smallest things.
I often feel like a free spirit. I just want to run around in a giant meadow or lie in the grass and watch the clouds.
Tonight, Mom and John were going to take a Jeep ride with the top down. They invited me to join them.
I have been invited numerous times before, but I never chose to tag along. I would either be too tired (physically and mentally), too unmotivated, too depressed, and since my car accident- too nervous.
Tonight, however, I said yes.
I put on my pajama pants, fuzzy socks, and a baseball hat and I climbed in the back.
It was dark out, and all I could clearly see was the street lights and the dim light reflected on the clouds among the fog.
I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling of the wind. Of course, I put my hands above the roof and allowed the wind to brush across my fingertips. In the distance I could see a burst of lightning among the clouds, and I started to feel raindrops.
The entire time I was thinking about the progress I have made this past year. I had fallen down..very far and very hard, but I eventually found a way to get back up again.
It is hard to believe that where I was, was who I was. That was me?
I had struggled to see the worth in my life. I didn't care if I was ever going to leave things behind, because I just didn't want to feel the pain anymore.
That was me. Living in the darkness of my mind, and saying no to family Jeep rides..
So yes, I am going to accept that I am a daydreaming dork, and yes I am now going to appreciate a 15 minute Jeep ride on a summer's night.
Life bringing me to my knees has allowed me to find excitement in the little things in life.
I wish more people lived like this, or had this perspective.
What a way to live.
A Boston social work student, using writing for healing. Sharing the peaks and valleys of an empath's mental health journey.