When I first found this quote on Pinterest, it brought a lot of feelings to life for me.
I thought, "i want that."
Growing up, i never raised my hand in school. I would answer questions in my head as the entire class paused to think of the answer. If a teacher were to call on me i chose to say "i don't know" instead of thinking of the answer or replying with an educated guess. When i would take tests i would change my answers numerous times, even if my original answer was correct. I had a fear of being wrong, being made fun of for being incorrect, not presenting myself to be smart enough.
I used to think it was fine to keep all of my thoughts in my head because it does not change my knowledge. What I have realized is that i spent my childhood teaching myself that my thoughts were not important to be shared with others, and others' opinions should come before my own.
What credit is that giving me?
I find that my own self doubt finds comfort in seeking reassurance from others. I frequently go to friends and family for advice in how to handle a situation. Even if it is something ridiculous like "should i wear this outfit." In all honesty, i'm very insightful. I have enough insight to feel power within my own instincts, but i prefer to "double check" with others just in case. Even then, if i receive a response that does not assure me on my instinct, i hold back. I take that as a negative confirmation that someone does not approve with what i was thinking.
Again, what is that doing to me?
Everyone is different. Everyone makes different choices. If i feel passionate or interested in something i should do it for me and only me. Not for anybody else. If someone doesn't see things the way i do, does it mean I stop? No, i should be showing them.
When i am asked a question that makes me freeze up, or where i feel the need speak up about something, i choose to ignore my gut instinct and fill my head with a million unusual paths of thoughts and options.
My recent goal of living up to the quote: Identify the most certain and least anxiety producing thought to start sharing as a means to create organization of thoughts and improve on self-expression, confidence, and social skills.
When my mind becomes jumbled with those million thoughts and possibilities and i don't know which to choose. Instead of remaining quiet, instead of saying "i don't know", choose the one i am most confident in (or more confident than the others) and find the one i am most comfortable with sharing.
I need to give my instincts more credit here.
Not only does this go along with self doubt, it goes along with social anxiety.
I need to let my voice be heard, even if it is insanely difficult for me to do so.
A Boston social work student, using writing for healing. Sharing the peaks and valleys of an empath's mental health journey.