My therapist had told me (suggested) to try and motivate myself to do yoga again.
Well, I'm on a yoga mat.
I'm blogging and eating popcorn on it- but I think that's close enough.
I spent last night at my cousin Kristy's apartment. I usually see her once a year at either Thanksgiving or Easter. When we do hangout, it is surrounded by all of the cousins, so I have never have had 1:1 time with her.
So when she invited me to stay over at her apartment I was stoked. I managed to push my intense anxieties aside and do something for myself that would make me feel accomplished. I drove almost 2 hours to see her. When I parked at her apartment's lot I felt relief and allowed myself to breathe. Highways have been a difficulty for me since my accident- but I did it!! Each time I prove to myself that I can do it, the easier it becomes.
I feel like we both learned a lot about each other and truly got to know each other from my stay.
She talked about some of her anxiety struggles at times by saying, "I'm worried about something that HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET; like shut the fuck up, Kristy!" I laughed in agreement. It was almost reassuring to see that my 27 year old cousin has the same troubles as me when getting wrapped up in irrational thoughts.
From time spent with her, and lots of catching up I had more than just one realization. I thought about how poor my confidence is (I already knew that) but I also realized that when I think so highly about someone, I forget they are human too. I am a guilty typical girl who wants what she doesn't have. I truly try to break that habit but it is something that will take work to overcome. My cousin that I admire so much, and is so beautiful inside and out, made me feel so safe with being with her. I was safe in my own skin. Things just went perfectly where we both knew no matter our distance, we'll always turn to each other for support.
She says she looks up to me? Whaat? I sure know that I look up to her.
There is something beautiful, sad, and powerful all in one. That is, being able to see the beauty and worth in another person when they are unable to see it for themselves.
And I think we all have had that feeling.
I decided to break up my trip home by traveling halfway and spending the night at my other cousins' house who I always rarely see. I am so excited to see them.
Kristy had said something else today that really had me thinking. The gist of it was that friends will come and go, but family will always be there for you and truly love you for you. You need to learn how to love yourself and pick yourself up, because the truth is- you are all you have.
I can pinpoint names of the people who just make me feel so giddy inside. I count a small amount of people. The people who just tend to excite me and make me happy where I could cry, a little more than the rest. My cousins are in that group. I love them all. If I named them all on here it would be very long because I have a huge family, but I love that.
With cousins that are close, you are built in best friends. You have a sibling connection, but it's a friendship. No matter the distance, cousins will always be there for support.
I am just grateful for my family today. Grateful for Kristy, and grateful and hella proud that I have had safe travels these past few days. Man, I don't get out much..but when I do, It sure feels amazing to say
"I did it."
Here' s a look into the life of a living contradiction! Welcome Welcome! Just a college girl trying to create a peaceful life while managing irrational anxiousness. :-)