I have 2 skills i am trying to work on.
They both can go along with each other, but they are also quite different.
I tend to focus on 1000 worries all at once. You can not decide to not worry in general when you have valid reasons, but you can choose what worries are rational and separate the ones that are irrational.
Example: Just this past week i was crying all day long about a presentation i knew i had the next day. Not only was i stressing about something the day before it even occurred, i was also generalizing that worry. If I can't handle a presentation in high school how can i handle them in college? Or a job? An interview? I will always be this socially anxious mess.
So now my presentation worry became worrying about my future capabilities.
What should i have done?
Well, i should not relate things together so easily. Me struggling about one thing, does not mean i will struggle with every single one to come after that.
I should have just breathed. I should have talked to someone (earlier) about my concern, so it would not take up the innocent day before the event.
Today: Avoiding specific details, but i was texting someone during school and things that were being said were making me uncomfortable. The conversation was about graduation. I was stressing over the situation and the person's intended actions.
I chose to take a step back. I was having a good day. Is this a valid worry to consume me right now? I put the worry aside. No, i shall continue to have a great day. Graduation is 2 months away. I need to focus on now.
In therapy a while back we discussed my "therapy box." I put my future concern in my therapy box, and i will close it for now, and open it when it is valid to discuss.
My other skill i am trying so very hard to work on (and not doing too well.) I realize that i spend 99% of my time focusing on either the future or the past. I do not recall a day where i didn't turn my brain towards a past or future worry, and just simply stayed in the moment.
To do this, you have to very much be in tune with your senses.
As I was driving to school today i was feeling the warm air against my hands. I was feeling the texture of the steering wheel. I was listening to the song on the radio, and i did not let my mind go elsewhere. I chose a sense and stuck with it.
A question as simple as "what did you do this weekend?" is very difficult for me to answer. Unless it is something i worried about, i have zero memories of the little things.
That's sad. How is that living my life if i am skipping forward in control instead of moving with the flow?
Writing is very helpful. I am here. I am focusing on the now. I can write about the past or future but in the present i am feeling the keys and hearing the tapping sound.
I shall work on this. If I'm going to live, i might as well make it meaningful.
A Boston social work student, using writing for healing. Sharing the peaks and valleys of an empath's mental health journey.