INFJ: (introversion, intuition, feeling, judging)
Ambivert: a person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features.
Empath: (chiefly in science fiction) a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.
Growing up, and even still, my biggest flaw was that I believed there was something wrong with me. Why do I shut down so easily? Why does the energy around me make me so sad sometimes when others are having fun? Am I an introvert or an extrovert? I am social, but I can also be shy depending on who I am with.
At this point in my life I am just beginning to educate myself ON myself.
I am often asked in therapy, "What are your triggers?"
I have to pause for a while. I have no idea. I know that I have triggers, I just become so absorbed in such complex things that I cannot explain.
This past year I became extremely interested in learning about why I act the way I do, and why I am the way I am.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder; okay that makes sense It's not just me, something isn't biologically right.
I took a personality test and discovered I was an INFJ; I have never read a description so accurate to myself.
I also tend to fit the "ambivert" description. One who has a balance of introvert and extrovert features.
Other things I have recognized about myself:
There is nothing wrong with me. I am a little complex. My needs may be different than the needs of others. I can get easily overwhelmed. I have a gift of an incredible intuition. I am able to see the world on a deeper level.
I am learning how to be the best me I can be, while knowing all of these factors about myself.
I feel like that is a reason why so many people go unhappy. They deny their true feelings, they try to be something they are not, and they don't take the time to learn how to live the best life as the person they already are.
I grew up living in my head. I would go outside in my backyard by myself, and spend hours back there doing absolutely nothing but exploring my mind. I would write fiction stories for fun, I had imaginary friends longer than I would like to admit, and can still picture to this day. I would convince myself that the imaginary was real, and I could get myself truly upset over false memories or my own creations.
My flaws, can have incredible benefits for me as well.
There is a lot going on constantly in this head of mine. I have trouble focusing, eye contact is a struggle of mine, and I can dissociate almost anywhere. My face doesn't always fit my thoughts. I often hear, "Are you okay Haley?" "You look sad, Haley." "You look pissed off Haley." Oh my god that's what I look like??? No I'm fine I promise! When inside I am in another world probably thinking of kittens or what my future home will look like. And sometimes I appear to be okay, when inside I am struggling.
Maybe my past traumas and struggles were contributors to my anxiety and depression. But..maybe I was prone to them anyway, just because of the way I am.
A Boston social work student, using writing for healing. Sharing the peaks and valleys of an empath's mental health journey.