This is it, starting today this is my last week..
my very last 7 days..
before my journey begins.
At this point for me, all of the questions have been creeping in.
Are you excited?
Are you nervous?
Are you all packed?
Are you sure you aren't nervous?
To be honest, I have absolutely no idea what to feel.
"This is a big change in your life."
Yes, this is a big change. But why does change always have to be expected as something that makes you nervous? Life itself is change.
When people ask me why I am not freaking out at this point, I really have more than one answer that I don't always admit.
These past 2-3 years have been nothing but change. My parent's who I always expected would be together forever, got a divorce. My Papa, who I expected was invincible through any illness, passed away. We moved out of my home that I had lived in for 16 years, into a new home with my mom's boyfriend and his two kids. I was now sharing a room with a 13 year old, and had 5 cats, and 2 big dogs.
At this point, I figure that things change so quickly in life, and there is absolutely no time to stop and panic and wish for things to stay the same. They rarely do.
Am I nervous? I am nervous as usual for the "what-ifs" and the anticipation of what to expect. All I can do is just appreciate where I am at now, and just go with the flow to see where it takes me.
When I was younger I expected moving into college would be a super sad day. I pictured myself biting my lip and holding back tears when I said a final goodbye to my mother.
I need to get that mindset out of my head by now. I am almost convincing myself that I am supposed to do that.
I have been looking forward to college since I was a 6th grader and my mom would not allow me to go to a sleep away camp.
These past years, I have been moved around, yet left feeling trapped.
I am so close. I can feel the freedom coming and I can not wait to see what I can do with it.
I need to take a step back though..
I still have 1 more week.
I am filling up my final "schedule" and trying to see as many friends as I can.
I don't think my "calm" feeling is that I am not nervous.
Though, I do believe it is the feeling I am ready.
I am ready for more change.
A Boston social work student, using writing for healing. Sharing the peaks and valleys of an empath's mental health journey.