I just adore being awake at this hour, especially after I climbed in bed exhausted at 7pm.
One post. Just one; and then I shall try to sleep again. If you haven't noticed, I updated my site. To the right of the page, the newest feature I am most happy about, is the search bar. It is very useful when looking for specific past posts without spending too much time scrolling and clicking on every category.
Just in case you didn't realize this about me, I wanted to provide some reassurance. I love to post my favorite inspirational quotes as motivators to myself and others. I realize that in my blog entries I tend to preach some excellent realization I had or that I am feeling strong with how far I've come. Yes, I have amazing days and amazing moments where I am so happy I have my blog to share them with others. But, I don't want you to get confused with the big picture.
In many ways it is my anxiety speaking, but I have my own concerns that I will seem like a "fake." How I can share these inspirational messages one day, and be struggling to listen to the same message the next day..
I'm human too. In many ways I've conquered my illnesses, but in many ways they will always be a piece of me that I will have to work on. Like any other person, I have good and bad days.
Sometimes I am on top of the world, but sometimes I find myself struggling again and I need support just like anyone else. I want my site to be real. I don't want it to be only "this is what you need to do's" and making this all seem easy. It sure isn't easy, but it is possible. I want to be able to be truthful on my bad days because they do exist, and what matters is what I do to get through them. I am in the learning process here. :-)
Sometimes I feel the need to step away from my blog for a bit because seeing it makes me doubt myself.
Sometimes I need to remind myself of all the things I am living for, instead of focusing on the things I want to escape.
Sometimes I logically know that things will be okay no matter what, but I still believe in the evil "what-ifs" that cross my mind.
I may fall out of place for a bit, but it is about how I get back up that matters.
To those of you struggling every day with the challenges that your mental health can bring, please know you are not alone. I am in this struggle, and I am in this fight- with you.
Now time for bed..
A Boston social work student, using writing for healing. Sharing the peaks and valleys of an empath's mental health journey.