I am trying to remind myself that I have been here before. This feeling, it sucks, but it is only temporary. The painful ab-forming belly laughs, and the disney princess-like dancing to happy songs will be back again soon.
I have been scattered.
I never wrote a blog post on my insomniac sleep plan update because honestly I did not follow it. I tried, but I couldn't. I have been sleeping, but it is unfortunately because my depression has been back more than my anxiety, and I have been sleeping 14 hours school nights.
A lot of words are triggers for me. This week, ever since a death in my family, I have been triggered by the thought of suicide.
It just sucks the life out of you, you know? How can you go about your daily life while knowing that we live in a world where people think they will be better off dead?
This week, I have cried in all of my classes, concerned my classmates, and reunited with some of my old bad habits.
The most motivating thing I have done all day is opening my laptop and starting this post. I'm dragging weights.
I am numb, I am scared, I am anxious about school ending, and sad about certain goodbyes that will be made after all of the continuous support I have had this year. Next week will be Papa's birthday. 1 year ago on his birthday-was the last time I saw him. I am dreading school that day. The following week will be the anniversary of his death. I am consumed with emotion, but I'm making myself blog. I must keep writing- always.
I am still here. I am still fighting, and I must keep going. I have already made it this far.
Here' s a look into the life of a living contradiction! Welcome Welcome! Just a college girl trying to create a peaceful life while managing irrational anxiousness. :-)